Are You Kidding Me? Life’s Little Irritations ..

25 Feb

There are just some things out there that immediately make me ask “Are you kidding me?” and just make me shake my head either in disbelief, piss-offed-ness, or both. Here’s just a few…anyone else have any?

Cars with giant gay spoilers

People that insist on talking during movies…and while we’re on movies, being in an empty theater and the one person that comes in sits RIGHT beside or directly behind you when there are a million empty seats to choose from

Over publicized celebrity relationships and when the press blends their names together – Brangelina, Bennifer, who cares??? And while on the subject of celebrities, stop obsessing over them! When a celebrity’s latest “issue” tops world news, we have a problem. If Lindsay Lohan goes to jail, I don’t care. If Charlie Sheen blew a ton of coke and screwed a 12 cent whore in a cheap hotel, I don’t care. Let’s move on ..

Those stupid commercials for medical conditions that turn the names into initials – OCD, CPD, PFD – WTF?? STFU!

Reality “love” shows like the Batchelorette, The Batchelor, Rock of Love…gimme a break! You really think you’re gonna find love with Brett Michaels? The man is a whore and so are the women on the show. Enough of that crap!

Emailing Customer Service – Why is it that when you have to email a company’s customer service staff, that no matter how much you try to simply exactly what you’re complaining about, the reply back always seems to fixate on the least important part of your issue, ignoring the central theme, and giving a totally irrelevant form letter in response? I don’t think I’ve been able to resolve anything meaningful lately in less than 3 emails from me to clarify the question and question their answers. But it’s still easier than trying to get someone on the phone that can understand and speak English…

Public Restrooms – I am painfully aware of the Americans with Disabilities Act, being 5’5″ tall and having an intermittently bad back, it’s such a joy having to bend over to wash my hands at child level sinks, but for the life of me I cannot understand why the toilet paper dispensers are mounted at the lowest possible height allowed by law (19″). This is especially frustrating considering that most commercial toilets are at least 16″ or higher, and invariably the dispenser is mounted right next to the toilet itself, not a few inches in front, so that you practically have to get up and turn around to get a handfull of paper. Also fun are the dispensers that are mounted below (!) the level of the toilet, these are usually found in stalls that are so small you practically have to stand on the toilet to close the door behind you, so if you don’t grab the TP before sitting down, you might as well forget the whole thing. Those double roll dispensers are nice, allowing restroom cleaning staff to avoid the chore for much longer periods of time, and are usually mounted a bit further out, but provide different challenges. When mounted too low, the paper is very difficult to grab, as it somehow always tears too far up, and you have to wedge your hand up in the dispenser to try to spin the roll around. And on this subject – ladies, there is no reason you cannot flush a toilet when you’re done – no reason whatsoever unless you have no arms and no legs. There is also no reason you cannot wipe the seat if you insist on hovering your ass 2 feet over it when you pee. Men, come on, is it really so enormously big that you can’t control it and actually hit your target instead of the floor around it?

Noisy eaters – There is nothing more disgusting than being in a restaurant trying to enjoy a nice meal when you hear someone chewing their sandwich with their mouth open, slurping and sounding like you’re mixing up paper mache. That’s just nasty, close your damn mouth. Another annoying sound in a restaurant or a movie is when a person makes a sucking noise with a straw when the cup becomes almost empty. And while we’re at it, I don’t care how clogged up you are, how much your nose is running, get up and go to the bathroom and blow your nose. Nothing ends a nice experience quicker than an old man blowing his honkers all over a well used napkin (and then actually LOOKING AT IT!). Just ewww…

Drive Through Windows – I thought the reason for this was to get quicker service? When you have to explain what you just ordered 5 times to the idiot in the window, it gets a little aggravating. “NO! JUST pickles and onions! NO, not minus pickles and onions, ONLY pickles and onions!” Another things, why should I have to pull up the corner and wait 15 minutes for a yogurt parfait when all you have to do it take it out the refrigerator? And last but not least, if you go through a Taco Bell drive through and are not familiar with what each item is, don’t ask for a mexican food refresher course, go inside. If you have more than 3 orders, go inside!

People who don’t cover their mouths when they sneeze or cough – Yes, please cover me with those tiny droplets of spittle and disease that spews forth from your mouth at 60 mph! I want to go home and later wind up with Swine Flu, Mad Cow Disease or whatever other tropical infestation you may have. Use a tissue or cover your mouth and as a side note, wipe your mouth because there’s always a little bit of yuck left on your mouth when you’ve sneezed or coughed.

People who give their kids weird names – Case in point, Gwyneth Paltrow’s kids – Moses and Apple. What about Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson’s kid Bronx Mowgli? Just name your kid a normal name, don’t make them the subject of ridicule and embarassment later on.

People who leave the door open when they go to the bathroom – I don’t wanna see it, I don’t wanna hear it, I don’t wanna smell it. End of story!

Movie sequels that are unnecessary – Were Superman III and IV necessary? Really, Richard Pryor in a Superman movie? Final Destination series – so much for the title huh? The Police Academy movies – the first one was classic, leave it alone. You don’t see Animal House II and III do you? On the subject, don’t do a sequel with different actors for the same title roles as the original. Mark Hamill was the perfect Luke Skywalker, could you imagine if Michael Douglas had been Luke in the Empire Strikes Back and then someone like Brad Pitt in Return of the Jedi? If the original actor won’t reprise the role that made the movie famous, don’t do the sequel.

Remakes of Classic TV Shows – Do we really need a movie version of Get Smart, the Beverly Hillbillies, the Brady Bunch? What’s next, Little House on the Prairie, Gimme A Break, and Growing Pains? STOP IT! They’re classic tv, leave them tv!

People who write pet peeve lists….don’t we drive you nuts?


One Response to “Are You Kidding Me? Life’s Little Irritations ..”

  1. rick faulstick February 25, 2011 at 11:22 pm #

    I would love a little house on the prarie movie.. Maybe Nick Cage and Jennifer Aniston as Pa & Ma Ingles, Abagail Breslin as laura the rest is up in the air.

    P.S. I loved the Brady Bunch Movie.

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