Do You Hear the Words That Are Coming Out of My Mouth?

25 Feb

I don’t recall it being mandatory that I grow up, it’s just tradition and those are made to be broken…but I think I missed my chance due to the signs I’ve been seeing in my life…anyone have any signs of their own?

1. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question as is fooling around in the backseat of the car
2. I keep more food than beer in the fridge
3. I have heard my favorite Bon Jovi song in an elevator and in Food Lion as an instrumental
4. I actually watch the weather channel.
5. My friends are getting married and divorced instead of “hooking up” and “breaking up.”
6. I went from 130 days of vacation time when school was out to 14 days a year
7. Blue jeans and a nice sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
8. I’m the one calling the police because those #%$@! kids next door won’t be quiet. My God, don’t they know it’s almost 10pm!
9. My older relatives are totally at ease telling sex jokes around me
10. I have no idea what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
11. My car insurance went down and my car payments went up.
12. Sam and Molly eat Science Diet instead of sharing my McNuggets
13. Sleeping on the couch makes my back hurt and sleeping in late gives me a headache
14. I live for naps.
15. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
16. Eating at 2:00 am upsets, rather than settles, my stomach.
17. I go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
18. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”
19. I actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time
20. I just can’t drink the way I used to” has replaced “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
21. I drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
22. When I found out my best friend is pregnant and I congratulated her instead of asking “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”
23. I can say I haven’t had sex in 6 months and be totally ok with that…LOL
24. I turn the tv on Saturday morning and wish Huckleberry Hound was on instead of the crap that’s on there now.
25. Neil Diamond is old and so is Barry Manilow!
26. Motley Crue is classic rock
27. My knees crack and grind with every step I take
28. I am in Belk’s and see that flourescent blouses from the 80’s are back in style and I think “there is no way I’d wear that crap”
29. I think having a tattoo on my ankle was a stupid idea and I’m glad I didn’t do it
30. I think staying at home with the dogs and playing on Facebook is a great night!

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