Which Facebook Friends Are You? You ARE AT LEAST One of the Following …

21 Nov

The different types of facebook friends! Which one are you? I know at least 2 of each 🙂


1) The “Lurker” – Never posts anything or comments on your post, but reads everything, and might make reference to your status if they see you in public. (My response to this …. (insert subliminal message here))

2) The “Hyena” – Doesn’t ever really say anything, just LOLs and LMAOs at everything.  (My response to this … LMAO! That’s all, just LMAO!)

3) “Mr/Ms Popular” – Has 2,957 friends for no reason. Is selling something, has ego issues, or both. (My response to this … but I swear I know every one of them! No, really, I still talk to the guy down the street from when I was 4 years old!)

4) The “Gamer” – Plays Words With Friends, Mafia Wars, Bakes virtual cakes, etc., ALL DAY. (My response to this … ok, who the hell took my Farmville hammer? Now I can’t build my imaginary fence for my imaginary cows)

5) The “Chronic Dater” – Changes their relationship status every week. (My response to this … if you have to do this, you’re single. Admit it, you’re single and you’re always gonna be single)

6) The “Thief” – Steals status updates and NEVER uses an original thought, EVER (My response to this … “Borrowing is not much better than begging; just as lending with interest is not much better than stealing.” )

7) The “Cynic” – Hates their life, and everything in it, as evidenced by the somber tone in ALL of their status updates. (My response to this … shut up, YOU suck and you make my status suck)

8.) The “Collector” – Never posts anything either, but joins every group, and becomes fans of everything. (My response to this … do you want to join my “quitjoiningeverygroupandlikingeverypage group?”)

9) The “Promoter” – ONLY sends event invitations to things that you ultimately delete or ignore, including events that aren’t even events like “Breathe Fresh Air Day”. ‘Nuff said. LOL

10) The “Liker” – Never actually says anything, buy always clicks the “like” button. (My response to this … “like”)

11) The “Hater” – Everything sucks. They hate everything that has, that is, or is about to happen in the world. They are never wrong. (My response to this … “I hate haters”)

12) The “Hatee” – Every post revolves around someone hating on them, and they swear people are trying to ruin their life. (My response to this … why do you hate me? Hey, at least you’re thinking of me!)

13) The “Anti-Proofreader” – This person would benefit greatly from Spellcheck, and sometimes you feel bad for them because you don’t know if they were typing fast, or really cant spell. (My response to this … sToP TyPiNg LyK ThIs, YoU’rE nOt 12. Do you here me?”

14) “Drama Queen/King” – This person always posts stuff like “I can’t believe this!”, or “They gonna make me snap today!”, in the hopes that you will ask what happened, or what’s wrong…but then they never finish telling the story. (My response to this … “What? OMG! I can’t believe these people, what the hell?I could just DIE!”)

15) “Womp Womp” – This person consistently tries to be funny…But never is. (My response to this … so a black, white and Asian walk into a bar and the bartender says “is this a joke?” … womp womp)

16) “The Player” – Their friends are always popping up on your “People you may know list.” The “Player” is 35 years or older and most of his friends are 18-25, with a half naked profile pic. (My response to this … you’re a sick bastard, quit playing with your tiny pecker and get a job loser”)

17) The “News” – Always updates you on what they are doing and who they are doing it with, no matter how arbitrary. (My response to this … “And today in Facebook news, I have a tv, I can see it there dumbass but thanks for the constant play by play of what’s going on with the Justin Beiber paternity suit”)

18) The “Athelete” A.K.A. – runners, bikers, dieters and fitness freaks. Daily status reports on how many miles they went or what new P90X level they are doing. “Do Work”, “Live Strong”, “Just Do It.” We know you lost weight, you won’t let us forget it and now you’re the expert on all things weight loss related. We know you are in the gym 23 hrs a day, you just took an hour out of your day to tell us about it. JUST STOP IT.

19) The “Professor” – Always making you do facebook homework by asking you to repost or copy thier status. Ex: Save the whales, hug a tree, fish have feelings too. Etc… Etc… (OH DEAR GOD, really? Has the extinction level of white tigers gone down because I reposted? Has cancer been cured because I reposted your stupid status? Be original, stop the repost shit … go play Mafia Wars or something stupid)

20) The “Screamer” – Feels the need to use CAPS LOCK in every other post to make sure they are heard. (DO YOU HEAR ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOUR WALL???)

21) The “Rooster” – Feels that it is their job to tell Facebook “Good Morning”!!! (My response to this … Dear Facebook friends, it’s a wonderful sunny morning. I hope each of you have a cup of warm coffee in your favorite mug made by your 5 year old and that the buttcheeks of heaven fart the clouds away for you today.”

22) The “Political Ranter” – Constantly wants you to think they know everything about everything going on in the world of politics, constantly bashes a particular party and points fingers. Most of the time, you sound like an idiot.  (My response to this … I won’t even go there)

23) The “Musician” – CONSTANTLY posts nothing but their next show, their next 50 shows, their latest cd, but never responds to posts from other people. Over self-indulgent self promoter extraordinaire. (My response to this … actually TALK to your fans instead of constantly selling to them)

22) And my personal favorite, “The It’s All About Me Poster” – EVERYTHING on their wall consists of “look what I’ve done”. (My response to this … I hate when people talk about themselves all the time, it’s one of MY pet peeves and makes ME cringe. So, do you wanna hear about how I invented the internet and how the world loves me for it?)

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2 Responses to “Which Facebook Friends Are You? You ARE AT LEAST One of the Following …”

  1. Sam Sonmez November 22, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

    who’s guilty….

  2. Sam Sonmez November 22, 2011 at 12:40 pm #

    ….

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